I see so many people on social media make comments like "congratulations on your engagement I'll get my hat now" or "congratulations, I'll be so-and-so's plus one" ermmmm. Wait. Who said we have enough places for so-and-so to have a plus one?!
It's not less annoying when so-and-so says "I'll bring a plus one" when you send the Save the Date stating just their name.
I know the 'rules of etiquette' are if someone is married, or has been with their partner (2 years or longer) then they should automatically get a plus one. If someone is single, has been single for a while, does not have anyone they're seeing and they have been in your family/friends for a while, they of course are invited but aren't really entitled to a plus one if numbers are tight.
Those of you planning, or have planned, a wedding will know exactly what I'm saying. For the benefit of those that have not, let me explain.
Most wedding venues like hotels and stately homes have packages for a certain amount of guests. If a couple wish to add extra, each extra person costs (usually quite a lot) more money per head.
The venue my husband and I chose was very strict with numbers, and there was under no circumstances to be any extra people on what we were permitted. It was written into the contract how they would be permitted to possibly vacate the premises if we had gone over the stated amount. We didn't want our wedding being cut short because of one or two people who couldn't respect the rule.
So, inviting a plus one without us saying we have space for you to have a plus one was just futile. It caused stress to myself and my husband (and most of us know, there is enough stress when planning a wedding!) and then you end up feeling disappointed when it wasn't us causing the disappointment, it was you!
To ensure this was clear to our guests, we wrote into our invites: Unfortunately, we must request the attendance of invitation-addressed guests only due to number regulations set by (the venue) and everyone did respect this request.
It is so hard to make sure everyone you want to be there is included, when you get told "you're allowed no more than 50 people" you think - 50 is loads! Then you start writing your list, blink, and 50 is gone just like that! *snaps fingers*
We chose to do it the fairest way - I got 24 guests, hubby got 24 guests then us 2 made the alloted 50. It worked well for us, rather than "well I've got more aunts and uncles..." "Well I have more cousins..." That would have been a painful (and probably unfair) way of organising it.
We were very lucky our families trusted and respected our decisions, and didn't try to get involved with the guest list.
We tried hard to please everyone and we are happy with how it turned out, I think everyone who came is too!
One wish: if we could have had 2 extra spaces my close friend and her partner should have been there at the ceremony but could only come to the evening. Being decent people, (hence why we're such good friends!) they understood the situation and were delighted to be a part of the big day. They came round to watch the wedding images DVD afterwards and were engrossed! They were genuinely so happy for us. She even helped me get out of my dress and shoes on the night of the wedding when I wanted to get changed!
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