Second Missed Miscarriage

This missed miscarriage is a mystery. 

I had an early private scan where a septum was seen in the gestation sac; splitting it in two. There were two yolk sacs; all measuring well. I just had to wait for the twins to grow so we could see them both on an ultrasound... We were so shocked that this is looking like a twin pregnancy! The couple who are infertile have made not one but two babies whilst not even trying! I started to panic about what to do with my pride and joy; my two-seater sports car!

At 7 weeks I got the SOREST lower back in the world. Just walking down the street would bring me to tears of agony. Apparently, according to the forums and websites, this is common when growing twins...

At just gone 9 weeks I started bleeding. Spotting at first. It was strange; one hour it'd be heavy and red, sometimes clots, and other times barely anything but brown or pink. Very baffling. Apparently, according to the forums and websites, this is also common when growing twins...

I had an internal examination at 10 weeks and my cervix was closed. This is a good sign; it means that physical miscarriage is not imminent. It means my cervix is not expelling the contents of my uterus. I had to wait 6 days for an ultrasound as that was the waiting time; they were booked up. In that 6 days both my husband and I constantly talked to our two babies and I constantly rubbed my tummy. We were so happy to hear that my cervix was closed. Also, whilst at the internal examination, they had taken my bloods (more blood tests! I've had loadsssss this pregnancy!) and my HcG level came back "higher than average" it should be around 25,000 at 11 weeks and at 10weeks 5days mine was over 27,000! This, apparently, is another strong sign of twins! My midwife was really happy to see my HcG results and we felt so lucky. Despite constantly seeing blood (which messes with your mind) I tried to stay positive. 

So, I'd been told my HcG level "shows a very healthy pregnancy" and the fact my cervix is closed is a very good sign. These all helped add to the false hope I experienced.

We went for our scan 6 days after the internal examination. At the scan she just sat there jabbing me internally with the camera. She was silent and staring at the screen. I thought "ha! She is shocked that there's two in there!" We'd had a private scan, which the NHS don't take into account so hadn't listened when I'd said potentially twins!

I had to say "can you see anything??" And she didn't answer. Legs akimbo, on stirrups, screen turned away from me, I was helpless and needed answers. Anything. I looked at my husband and repeated my question "can you see anything??" He shook his head with tears in his eyes. You see, at 10w5d, a baby should be forming nicely. Unfortunately, our baby was measuring just 5w3d. How is it that I'd been carrying a dead baby for over 5 weeks and not known? How had it not started to come away yet? 

The sonographer was very blunt and uncaring "in my professional views, this is 100% a failed pregnancy, but I can't diagnose that until 10 to 14 days time after another rescan".

They are not allowed to take into account how I know that my baby is definitely dead (based on my dates) - I simply knew I could not be over 5 weeks out with my dates.

I spoke with the lady on reception who found out from a doctor the options for missed miscarriage at my local hospital (last year I was under a different hospital as we'd lived in a different area then).

It turns out my local hospital does not offer the same operation as my other hospital does. They make you have a general anaesthetic whereas at my old hospital, I had an MVA (Manual Vacuum Aspiration), where I was allowed gas & air and was awake through the procedure (yes it hurts; you can read about my first MVA here http://kerridiary.blogspot.co.uk/2017/02/my-micarriage-operation.html?m=1 )

I telephoned my old hospital and explained my situation and preferences. Although I'd been told to wait 10 days "in case there was any change" (like my dead baby was going to miraculously grow!!) 

I visited my old hospital with my report from the ultrasound at my local hospital. They were able to rescan me and tell me the baby was no longer there; it had likely absorbs into me or had come away although I hadn't had anywhere near as much blood as last time. I like the thought that my baby is now absorbed into my body - is a part of me physically as well as emotionally.

I opted, as the gestation sac had decreased in size, to have medical management instead of an MVA as the doctor believed that would be better. I now have to wait until a few days before my 30th birthday to see if this procedure has worked or if I need an operation (which I'm hoping won't be the case as the operation would be either my birthday or the day before my birthday which I'd prefer not to have on my 30th birthday.)

I don't understand why we were dealt this, if we weren't allowed to keep it. We had come to terms with never having a child. I'd bought a sports car and we'd booked a 5* once in a lifetime trip to Mexico (which we had to cancel due to the Zika virus) and were planning our 2018 and 19 holidays! We had come round to thinking that having a child wasn't something we had to do anymore. So why were we dealt this; allowed 11 weeks to fall in love with our baby (or babies as we thought) then had it cruelty taken away?